I am currently undertaking a coaching diploma and after I published my recent blog post “Anxiety is not a problem to be solved”, I travelled down to London for module 2 of the course. Over the 2 days of each module, we have the opportunity to practise coaching other course participants and therefore to be coached ourselves. While I was being coached on the first day, I became upset. The thought associated with this reaction was that I am on my own. On my own in trying to work out how I can best add value to adults with Autism who would like to find employment. Or more specifically, employment that is suited to their strengths and abilities, that they will enjoy, with employers who are inclusive. 

I do know people who are interested in expanding services in this area and people I can work with to develop ideas. The thought that I am on my own in figuring this out therefore isn’t true. However, it took me back to a stressful time in the past when I had felt I was shouldering a lot of responsibility for improving a service on my own.

Having just published the blog post, I was quickly able to identify that the feelings of upset in the current moment were being intensified by this link to the past. But there was still part of me that was trying to block the emotions as I don’t like feeling anxious, sad and tearful. Had writing the blog post contributed to the speed with which my brain made this connection to the past? I had been thinking of my previous experiences when writing it. Maybe, but I was also able to realise what was going on more quickly and resist my attempts to fight it. Afterall, I had written (and do believe) that emotions are a useful signal that there is something worth paying attention to!

Nevertheless, I did not want to be coached on day 2. I feared that the emotion would take over, and I didn’t really know how to broach it as a topic for coaching. However, I also knew I would find it helpful to explore my thoughts and feelings further. I discussed different ways I could explore this in with one of the trainers and also with the person who would be coaching me.

The coaching session, further reflection and several meditations helped me identify other triggers for my emotions. The uncertainty surrounding when I will start to earn money again was making me anxious. What if the money in my current account runs out first? In addition, I was feeling unsure about how I will earn. I want to make money by using my strengths to make a positive difference for other people. But I am still in the process of exploring how I can best do this.

I came to these realisations gradually during the week after the course module. I continued to feel anxious and sad, but paid attention to the thoughts which arose and seemed to trigger my tears. So, having identified the main causes; uncertainty and finances, what helped to reduce these unpleasant emotions?

I decided I needed to sit with the uncertainty; having acknowledged that it was there, I wouldn’t try to resolve or fight it. I focussed on continuing what I am currently doing rather than spending time speculating about the future. Speaking to my husband about how we can manage our joint finances better was a good idea. I also made a conscious effort to focus on the things that are going well; I had been feeling very positive before the coaching module!

I am currently exploring different avenues, with a view to developing a portfolio career, and was also unsure about where to successfully focus my efforts. What could I realistically commit to while doing the coaching course? I estimated how long the tasks on my to do list would take. I then compared this to the number of days I want to spend developing my career over the next few months. This answered my question for me, helping me feel back in control.

Reflecting back on these experiences, the key things that helped me reduce my upset and stress were:

• identifying the upsetting thought and realising it was not true
• deciding to sit with uncertainty about the future, rather than striving for greater certainty
• gaining a better understanding of my current reality; the reality of current finances and time available to focus on my career, while maintaining balance in my “pie of life”
• focussing on what was working well

Image: Jerzy Gorecki from Pixaby

Post updated on 2nd Nov 2023

• Managing anxiety and stress